How to Handle Unasked-for Personal DMs and Texts

What to do about unasked for personal DMs and Texts.

It is assumed that everyone is online and available — 24/7. While the first part may be more accurate, the last part is not.

If you have a personal website, you probably have a contact form folks can use. Or they see your email address somewhere and send you messages you didn’t ask for. That’s called spam and not appreciated. But folks do it anyway.

Then, there are Direct Messages on social sites and Texts to your phone. Many do so, thinking it is acceptable to DM or Text whatever they like whenever they like. Not so…

Being online, we all understand that we are opening ourselves up to being contacted. But by anyone at any time?

Business vs. Personal Messaging

Regarding social platforms, you can control who can DM you, if at all. However, by having those public pages, you’ve given permission, even if tacitly, that you are open to being contacted.

If you are on a social networking site for business, it goes without saying that you will get inquiries from those you don’t know. However, those contacts tend to be from providers and potential customers.

But what we are talking about today is personal, non-business related, unasked-for messages.

What is DM and Text Etiquette?

Not much different than email etiquette. You do not arbitrarily contact folks you do not know or who don’t know you just because you can.

And even if you know the person when you DM, or text should reflect a little bit of courtesy. For example, regarding what time you choose to send your message.

Dealing with unwanted direct messages (DMs) or text messages can be uncomfortable. Here are some quick steps you can take to address the situation:

Ignore them: If the messages are not threatening or offensive, and you don’t want to engage with the sender, you can ignore them.
Block the sender: If the messages are unwanted and persistent, you can block the sender on the platform where the messages are being received. This will prevent them from being able to contact you again in the future.
Report the sender: If the messages are harassing or threatening, you can report the sender to the platform’s support team. In addition, most social media and messaging platforms have a reporting system for abusive behavior, and they may act against the sender, such as suspending their account.
Set message filters: Some messaging apps allow you to set filters blocking messages from people not on your contacts list. This can be a helpful way to avoid unwanted messages from unknown senders.
Set boundaries: If you want to communicate with the sender, let them know your preferred times and venue (email, for example.)

Remember, it’s important to prioritize your own safety and comfort when dealing with unwanted messages. Don’t hesitate to take action if the messages are causing you distress or discomfort.

Direct Messaging

SENDER: If you Direct Message someone you don’t know, be very clear about why you are doing so and what your motives are—courtesy and clarity matter.
RECIPIENT: You are not required to respond. If you do not know the person and they’ve not provided a valid reason why you would want to respond, ignore, block, and delete.

Texting

SENDER: You’d better have a good reason to text someone you do not know. And you had better identify yourself so the recipient knows who you are and why you took the liberty to text them without their permission. (Yes, you should always ask permission to text someone — even those you know!)
RECIPIENT: No need to respond. There are apps that send a message to texters who are not in your contact list, letting them know how you handle texts from strangers.

Again, business communications are an entirely different story and much more thought and best practices apply. Check out my article on my Business Email Etiquette website: Business Texting Etiquette: 10 Tips for Professionals.

When it comes to personal communications, there is no reason to DM or text folks you do not know at a whim. Nor do those on the receiving end have any responsibility to respond.