How to Navigate Emotional Relationships and Arguments via Text: A Thoughtful Guide

I tripped upon a study the other day about texting and was surprised to find how many folks argue and have serious misunderstandings via text. I also learned a new word (after doing this website for decades.)

Fexting: Fighting over text (aka ‘fexting’).

Who knew? I knew misunderstandings and arguments happened; I just didn’t know there was a word for it.

Probably because texts are abrupt and short — two things that can contribute to misunderstandings and overall perception. More and more texting is easier than face-to-face communication for many.

Handling an emotional relationship through text messages can be challenging, as tone and body language nuances can be lost. Because of this, you have to work at it.

If we live our lives in texts, it is wise to think beyond the short phrases we type, especially when emotions are involved. Say no to “texting.”

Emotional Texting Tips

Be Clear and Honest: Communication is vital in any relationship, but it’s essential when relying on text messages. Choose your words and emojis carefully. Misunderstandings are common in texting, so clarity is critical.
Use Emojis and Emoticons: Emojis and emoticons can help convey tone and emotion in text messages. Use them to solidify your intent and add warmth and context to your messages, but be mindful not to overuse them.
Give Each Other Space: It’s important to balance staying connected and allowing each other time to process emotions independently. This includes knowing when not to respond.
Practice Active “Listening”: Getting caught up in our thoughts and responses is easy when texting. Practice active listening by asking follow-up questions when you are unsure of the motive or emotions.
Avoid Misinterpretation: Text messages can be easily misinterpreted, so try to avoid ambiguous or vague language. Be mindful of how your words might be perceived by the other person.
Schedule Regular Check-ins: 24/7 availability is unrealistic. Set aside time for regular check-ins to set boundaries — especially when tempers come into play.
Be Patient: Remember that text messages can be delayed, and people may not always be available to respond immediately. Be understanding if the other person takes time to reply or if there are gaps in communication.

So, let’s say you are already in an argument via text. Now what?

How to Handle Text Arguments

Arguments via text are particularly challenging again due to the lack of tone and nonverbal cues. Here are some additional suggestions for navigating text message arguments. You’ll notice much of this has to do with how you mentally approach these situations, not just what you type.

Take a Step Back: When emotions are running high, it’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment. Take a step back and give yourself some time to cool off before responding. Avoid sending messages impulsively that you may later regret.
Avoid Name-Calling and Insults: Avoid resorting to name-calling, insults, or passive-aggressive language. Stick to addressing the issue at hand in a respectful manner.
Seek Understanding: Texting, by its very nature, can be vague. Ask clarifying questions if you are unsure.
Agree to Disagree: Sometimes, you may not be able to reach a resolution during a text conversation. It’s okay to agree to disagree for the time being and revisit the issue later when emotions have cooled off, or you can pick up face-to-face.
Know When to Take a Break: If the argument starts to spiral out of control and emotions escalate, it’s best to take a break from the conversation. Agree on a time to revisit the discussion later when both parties have had a chance to calm down and collect their thoughts.
Apologize When Necessary: If you realize that you’ve said or done something hurtful during the text conversation, be willing to apologize. A sincere apology can go a long way moving forward.
Consider Switching to Voice or Video Call: If the argument seems to be going in circles or is difficult to convey your emotions through text, get on a voice or video call. Hearing each other’s voices and seeing each other’s expressions can help facilitate better understanding.

Always Focus on Solutions

Ultimately, the goal of any argument should be to find a solution or compromise that satisfies both parties. Texting may not be the best venue for the topic at hand.

You can always call or visit those involved and speak with them.

Just a thought… 😉