Email Perception: I'm Being Ignored! (You are, and it's on purpose!)

Similar emails like the one below come in regularly…

I’m not sure what to think. I send my friends emails asking what’s new and how they are, and I share my personal updates. Then, crickets. This is not an isolated experience. More often than not, I only get a response after multiple follow-ups, noting how busy they are. I’m not sure what to do.

Site Visitor

The first thing to check is if your emails are getting through. Run your email address through MXTool’s Email Heath Checker. If no problems are indicated, read on.

The short answer?

Move on to someone who treats you with respect and thinks you are important enough to find the time to reply.

The long answer?

Everyone is “busy.” To me, that seems to be the go-to excuse. We are more selfish than ever. However, we all know that we make time for the important things to you. You are probably further down the importance list.

So when I hear someone claim that they didn’t have time, as in the above visitor email, they tell me they didn’t consider the email a priority. What you sent was not worth their time — at that time.

I wrote about this before.

A friend is a second self.

Aristotle

What is a real friend?

It’s not someone on social media or a new contact you met online. Nor is it someone with whom you have exchanged a few emails. However, some may have different ideas of what level of friendship the relationship is at during any given period.

The official definition is:

A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

Online “friends” are superficial relationships unless nurtured. Forming a bond takes time, shared experiences, effort, and trust.

With the advent of social media and “friending” and “Like” buttons everywhere, we have diluted the word’s true meaning. All the while, we assume the above definition is still appropriate. It’s not.

With a couple of emails here or there or being part of the same online group, an increasing number of folks are assuming a level of intimacy that isn’t there because they believe in the old definition of a friend.

A good friend is like a four-leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have.

Irish Proverb

True friends are not created by clicking a button, a heart, or a like icon. Enduring friendship is developed over time by communicating, sharing, and thinking of another person. Real friends should be judged by their actions, not their words alone.

What isn’t a real friend?

By not taking the time to reply to those who email you, they will perceive that you are ignoring them. And admit it — you are. They aren’t enough of a priority for you to take the time to respond. So why pretend otherwise?

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.

Buddha

If you sincerely care, then make an effort to reply promptly. Let them know you are not intentionally trying to be dismissive and make the time to move forward.

If you don’t really care to make that effort, why not tell them the truth? You’ll respond when you can and do your best (because they are not your priority.) Harsh, I know. But why lead them on?

You Deserve Better

For those who are ignored, maybe consider accepting at face value that you are not important enough to that person for them to take the time to reply. They may “like” you, but you aren’t a priority. If you were, they would find the time to respond.

Acknowledging that would at least make your expectations more realistic. You can then choose to spend time with those who appreciate having you as a true friend.