How to Handle Email Bullies

I always talk about how easy it is for onliners to tap away on their keywords to send short, hurtful, or demanding emails and texts. It’s so easy. Your phone is in your pocket; tap, tap, tap, send. The same goes for other devices. There is no face-to-face accountability.

A site visitor writes:

Could you please evaluate this message? The “friend” that sends this states it means nothing to have the ???, !!! and cap letters, but he continues to do it. Sometimes he scares me with these types of communication. What should I do?

Jane:
Where have you been lately???????? Can you please just respond to me – NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Net M@nners

Site Visitor

Considering he made the effort to type that way — it means something. The first sentence warrants one question mark. The multiple instances reflect emotion. I wrote about excessive punctuation in emails here.

This appears to either be a very frustrated or extremely controlling person. If having multiple exclamation points or question marks “means nothing,” why are they including them and communicating this way? They intentionally add emotion to make a point; otherwise, the caps and multiple instances would not be used.

Intentional or Just Ignorance?

We must remember that many people do not realize the power of their written words and punctuation. They don’t think about how they choose to communicate, which can have ramifications.

Because they don’t realize this, it does not mean that the perceptions they present or the emotions they insinuate are not there. They most certainly are.

Your friend either lacks online savvy or knows precisely what they are trying to accomplish and demands that you respond. They probably do not have the nerve to admit it if you confront them.

By typing in caps, and by using !!!! or ??? they are typing to you with an overly aggressive and condescending tone. This comes off as a bully. Friendly people do not communicate in this manner. If that is “not what they meant” to relay, basic punctuation would have sufficed, right?

What is your next move?

As important as understanding the above is, how you decide to handle these situations is just as important. If this is someone you know very well, discuss it with them, explaining that their communication style concerns you. Maybe they could stop and think about how they email or text you.

If this communication pattern continues, you may have no choice but to request that they stop emailing you. Beyond that, ongoing aggressive emails must be reported to either the social platform they are sent through or to local authorities.

Here are three email templates you can use, depending on your preferred tone—one is polite and professional, the other is more direct, and one for family and friends.

Polite and Professional Approach Example

Subject: Formatting Preferences for Email Communication

Hi [Sender’s Name],

I appreciate your emails and the effort you put into them. However, I wanted to mention a small request regarding formatting. I’ve noticed a lot of bold text and punctuation (e.g., excessive exclamation points), which can sometimes make messages harder to read and interpret.

For clarity and ease of communication, I’d really appreciate it if we could keep the formatting a bit more standard. It would help ensure that important points stand out without overwhelming the message.

Thanks for your understanding!

Best,
[Your Name]

More Direct Approach Example

Subject: Quick Note on Email Formatting

Hi [Sender’s Name],

I wanted to ask if you could tone down the use of excessive punctuation and bold text in emails. It can be a bit overwhelming and harder to read. Keeping things simple will make communication clearer and more effective.

Thanks for your help!

Best,
[Your Name]

Casual and Friendly Example for Family or Friends

Subject: Quick Favor About Emails 🙂

Hey [Name],

I love getting your emails, but I just wanted to mention one tiny thing—sometimes, all the bold text and extra punctuation (!!) make it a little hard to read. No big deal, but if you could tone it down a bit, it’d make it easier to follow.

Hope you’re doing well, and can’t wait to catch up soon!

Talk soon,
[Your Name]

This keeps it lighthearted and friendly while still getting the message across.

I’ll leave you with this…

Wise persons are those who think twice before speaking once.

Perhaps the greatest quality in a leader and the most valuable skill in building relationships is the ability to think before you speak. If you tend to speak hastily in anger and regret your actions at leisure, the childhood admonition to count to ten before speaking will still serve you well.

When you pause -if only for a moment- to consider the consequences, you may think better about what you are about to say. And if you must speak strongly, it’s a good idea to sugarcoat the words just in case you have to eat them later.

Napoleon Hill